The boys and I were at the grocery store this afternoon, and as usual Alexander excitedly pushed Christopher around and caught the eyes of a few shoppers. There were two in particular who were extra curious, a boy and girl close to the ages 3 and 6. The little girl watched Christopher with curiosity as we zoomed by grabbing a pineapple and plums. I heard “mom, that looks like a wheelchair” coming from her as they began to pass us on the other side by the butter lettuce and bell peppers. What came next from mom surprised me…”shhhh….just keep walking.” Just keep walking? This was most definitely not what I expected…

There are days when I want to tell you that I’m sorry. I want to take you in my arms and tell you that I’m sorry this isn’t what I planned. My dreams for you and your little brother looked a bit different. In my dreams you were running around the grocery store knocking cans of beans off of the shelf and blaming each other. In my dreams you were running through sprinklers and tattling on one another for turning off the hose. In my dreams you were splashing in the tub together with bubble beards on your faces, only to soon be yelling “he’s in my spot!!” In my dreams…

There’s life before, and life after. Before. Before the hospitalizations. Before the surgeries. Before the specialist visits. Before the unknown and constant worry. Before the sleepless nights. Before the hours upon hours of therapy. Before the tears. Before CDG. Life before was akin to walking on a paved path. Smooth with an occasional rock or stick in the way. Nothing I couldn’t walk around or simply step over. Then there’s after. All of a sudden my smooth path stopped abruptly. Up ahead I saw rocks. Not just pebbles, big rocks. Cliffs. Steep cliffs. Terrain never seen before. I looked around and didn’t know where to go. I was terrified and…