Patience

It’s a virtue. Right?

My entire life I have been a patient person, never getting upset in traffic or tapping my feet when the customer in front of me is telling the barista her life story after the order has been taken. OK, maybe I get a little impatient but definitely not enough to write about. I am able to put my “desires on hold for a time.” I can relax and not dwell on the situation that I have no control over.

Being a mom of a child who is medically complex and severely developmentally delayed requires so much. It requires a lot more than learning medical terminology and what billing codes are needed for insurance, although helpful, there’s definitely more. When we found out that Christopher was going to have a life of difficulties it wasn’t an easy pill to swallow. After the initial shock and worry we knew we had to accept it, embrace it, and move on. We knew that caring for him wasn’t always going to be this unknown territory, and whatever he needed would soon become our new normal. We were prepared for bumps along the way, and after every hospital stay or setback, his accomplishments and good days are celebrated even more. We’ve found our groove and it feels pretty good to say we are caring for him the very best we can and giving him a life worth living.

But one thing. One thing can be so difficult at times.

Patience. And I’m patient! (Really patient.)

But this is where I struggle…what if I’m waiting forever? What if I’m waiting for things that I should be tucking away into my never pocket? We work so hard to help Christopher reach his full potential, which we have zero idea what that is! Hundreds, if not thousands, of hours doing physical therapy, occupational therapy, and speech. His developmental delay diagnosis changed into severely developmentally delayed somewhere along the way, and has given my patience a run for it’s money.

Because sometimes “developmental delay” doesn’t mean it’ll actually happen. “Delay” is a little sneaky word. It makes you think that perhaps someday in the future whatever is delayed will actually happen. Like a delayed flight or bus. Eventually you do get to where you need to be, right? But sometimes the delay in our life is really a never.

My patience has been tested so much along this journey. We go, we do, we try, we work, and we wait. Repeat. Go, do, try, work, and wait. And wait. And wait.

Sometimes we do get to the destination. And it’s the sweetest surprise. It’s the cherry on top. It’s a feeling that is so complex and hard to describe. There is absolutely nothing better than watching your child accomplish something most people take for granted. Nothing better than knowing that you are doing something right along this never before navigated territory. Nothing.

And I guess we’ll never know if we’ll accomplish more if we don’t continue to work. And wait. And wait.

Christopher, I will wait. I will wait forever.